Dear Dr Frog,
If life were a workout, I'd be hitting the wall right now. I don't work out much. I've been trying to change that lately, not because I'm fat, but because I want to do something different, and well, be a little different.
So maybe this isn't the best metaphor for a couch addicted fantasy novel junkie actress to be using. But since I always find people who aren't fucking brilliant talking about "their art" to be trite, I'll skip it and go for the workout cliche, which while not particularly creative is less annoying.
I find myself becoming fixated on useless things and pleasures. First it was coffee and the sound of theTV in the background during my morning routine. Then it was facebook, then google reader. I had to delete Spider Solitaire off of my work computer because I played it so compulsively that I'd open a game 20sec after closing one, without meaning to.
Now it's the presence of my boyfriend. Otherwise my nightly beer becomes three and I get mopey to a disgusting extent while re-watching horror movies on the couch. I went through a phase for about 2 years of being a milder South Carolina party girl. (Clearly a box office clerk living in the Bible Belt can't be expected to live the Lindsay Lohan lifestyle to it's fullest, if for no other reasons than I don't have the budget and the notoriety.) I was out several times a week and have gotten quite a lot of contacts in my cell phone, but lately have realized that not many of them are reliable enough to be called real friends. They all seem to belong to groups, and I'm on the fringes of all of them. And if they aren't really friends that I can count on, what's the point?
This feeling of being on the fringe is permeating all aspects of my life. It's a worry that I'm prone to, but also one that I have no idea what to do about.
I want to change. But I have no idea what or who I want to change into.
